Embracing the Unexpected — Conversations on Chronic Pain, Dreaming as a Child, and Life’s Intricacies
In the bustling city of Hong Kong, a gathering of individuals known as the Curious Souls has been quietly making waves. On August 22nd, 2024, the Curious Souls Café held its 5th meeting, engaging in profound conversations about life’s intricacies. The discussions, prompted by thought-provoking questions, provide insights into various aspects of the human experience. Let’s explore some of these key questions, drawing wisdom from the cafe’s participants.
Certainties of Life: What We Will Never Experience and Why
In the first part of the event, each participant selects their preferred question card for group discussion. The evening began with an introspective question:
“What is Something You Are Certain You Will Never Experience and Why?”
Two specific experiences stood out in the discussion as things individuals felt certain they would never encounter:
“I would never experience how it feels to be on drugs… Because I can handle myself without drugs.”
The Influence of Drugs: One participant firmly asserted that he would never know what it feels like to be on drugs. His conviction stemmed from a strong belief in self-sufficiency, expressing confidence in his ability to navigate life’s challenges without external substances. He emphasized a desire to rely solely on his own strength and resilience.
The Act of Suicide: A new participant shared an unwavering certainty in never ending his own life. This conviction arose from a profound experience — a near-death event that profoundly shifted his perspective. Having confronted the fragility of life, he emerged with a deep appreciation for its value and a resolute refusal to cut it short by his own hand. This experience solidified his view of life as something precious, not to be discarded lightly.
The Choice Between Reflection and Mindfulness: Rewind or Pause in Life?
For the second question of possessing a rewind or pause button on life, a thoughtful discussion was ignited at the café, revealing diverse perspectives on how people approach their experiences.
“Would You Rather Have a Rewind Button or a Pause Button on Your Life?”
Advocates for the pause button drew parallels between this hypothetical ability and the practice of mindfulness. They envisioned pausing as a means of fully immersing themselves in joyful experiences, savoring every nuance and detail that might otherwise be missed. For them, the ability to pause represented an opportunity to deepen their presence in those moments and amplify their appreciation for life’s richness.
On the other hand, those who leaned towards the rewind button saw it as a tool for personal growth and learning. They believed that revisiting past events would allow for a more thorough analysis of their actions and decisions. This process of reflection, they argued, could lead to improved choices in the future, particularly when facing similar situations.
All in all, the preference for a rewind or pause button reflects individual values and priorities. Those who prioritize contentment and presence might gravitate towards pausing, while those who emphasize learning and growth might favor rewinding. Ultimately, the choice highlights the different ways individuals seek to engage with and potentially optimize their life experiences. There is no right or wrong.
The Value of Time and Wealth: A Debate on Life’s Choices
The third question — choosing between a lottery win or an extended lifespan — sparked a lively debate among the café participants, highlighting the spectrum of human values and aspirations.
“Would You Rather Win the Lottery or Live Twice as Long?”
Some individuals favored winning the lottery, even if it meant living within the confines of an average lifespan. They valued the freedom and opportunity that financial abundance could bring, enabling them to pursue their passions and live life to the fullest within a given timeframe. This perspective emphasized the quality of experiences over the quantity of time. One participant vividly illustrated this by comparing it to driving a luxury car for a short period — it’s about the intensity and richness of the experience, not necessarily the duration.
“I realize that life is very fragile at the same time, it’s great, and it’s very valuable, invaluable in a way.”
On the other hand, some attendees were drawn to the idea of living twice as long, intrigued by the prospect of witnessing future generations and observing the world’s evolution. They stressed the preciousness of life and the potential to accomplish more with an extended timeframe. The facilitator associated a longer life with the opportunity to read more books and engage in more meaningful conversations, highlighting a thirst for knowledge and connection as driving forces. To further back this up, he added:
“Money is a human construct, but our lives are more natural.”
However, it was also revealed that not everyone perceived a longer lifespan as inherently positive. One participant articulated the belief that existence itself can be burdensome, questioning the appeal of simply extending it. Living longer and experiencing better are different matters. This viewpoint offers a compelling counter-argument to the notion that more life is always desirable. It prompts reflection on the nature of existence and the weight we assign to its duration.
The café conversation doesn’t offer a singular answer to the question of choosing between wealth and longevity. Instead, it reveals the diversity of human values and priorities when contemplating such existential dilemmas.
Leaving a Legacy: Reflections on How We Want to Be Remembered
The café’s discussion of the fourth question about legacy and what the participants hoped to leave behind unveiled a range of perspectives shaped by personal values and aspirations.
“When You Die, What Do You Want to Be Remembered for?”
“I don’t want to be remembered… I just want to be remembered as a person who tries to be considerate and serving other people.”
One participant expressed a desire to be remembered for her positive impact on others, whether through acts of service or simply being a source of kindness and consideration. She found fulfillment in helping others and envisioned a legacy rooted in compassion and generosity.
Another participant aimed to be remembered for the intensity of the experiences they shared with others, both positive and negative. He found meaning in leaving a lasting impression, regardless of its specific nature. This perspective suggests a desire to be seen as a force to be reckoned with, someone who makes their presence known.
The new participant expresses a deep awareness of the potential for harm in human interactions. He doesn’t want to be remembered as a good person after he dies. Instead, he aspires for people to find it difficult to recall any bad things he might have done to them throughout his life. This perspective reveals a strong sense of empathy and consideration in his character — acknowledging the lasting impact of negative experiences on others. (See the horn effect.) This awareness fuels his desire to minimize his own potential for causing harm.
An alternative viewpoint emerged from the facilitator who prioritized self-reflection over external validation. He aimed to live in a way that minimized regrets and maximized his own sense of integrity, evolving with constant self-reflection. This approach emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and striving to live authentically. He acknowledged the journey could be lonely, due to the inevitability of potential misunderstandings from others who prioritizes the traditional definition of success.
Rediscovering Childhood Dreams: Navigating the Loss of Imagination in Adulthood
The final question from the first part of the event was:
“When Did You Lose Your Ability to Dream as a Child?”
The conversation began with an interesting saying from the facilitator to spark the participants’ curiosity:
“As a Chinese saying goes, when we are old, we become a child. So, for me, I just never experienced being a true child, let alone losing our ability to dream like a child.”
The question of when individuals felt they lost the ability to dream like children elicited a range of responses, reflecting diverse views on the interplay between childhood wonder and adult responsibility.
Many participants attributed this perceived loss to the influence of societal structures and expectations. They highlighted how education, social conditioning, and the pressures of adult life can dampen the unbridled imagination and sense of possibility often associated with childhood.
However, others maintained a connection to their inner child, suggesting that this capacity for wonder and creativity doesn’t necessarily disappear but rather evolves. They found outlets for this childlike spirit through activities like travel, creative pursuits, or simply allowing themselves moments of playfulness and curiosity.
This difference in perspective raises intriguing questions about the nature of “dreaming like a child.” Is it a fixed state that we inevitably outgrow, or is it a quality that can be nurtured and expressed in different ways throughout our lives?
Exploring the Realm of Lucid Dreaming
During the discussion, the topic of lucid dreaming was also explored. Participants shared their fascination with the concept, describing their attempts to engage with the subconscious through vivid, imaginative dreams. The group discussed the work of renowned psychologist Carl Jung, who believed that dreams held profound insights into the human psyche.
Participants explored the potential benefits of lucid dreaming, such as the ability to revisit and analyze past experiences, as well as the opportunity to tap into one’s inner child and unleash creative potential. However, some attendees also acknowledged the challenges of consistently achieving lucid dreaming, as well as the potential risks of becoming overly reliant on this practice, such as getting overly tired waking up in the morning.
Navigating Pain: Diverse Perspectives on Coping and Acceptance
Moving on the second part of the event, Bring-Your-Own-Question, where each participant proposes a question for group discussion. The question which receives the most votes becomes the question of the evening. The chosen question was:
“How Do You Deal With Pain?”
The conversation was particularly poignant, driven by a participant’s candid sharing of her struggles with chronic back pain. Her experience illustrated the limitations of conventional remedies and the persistent, often emotionally draining nature of chronic pain.
Various approaches to pain management emerged from the group’s shared wisdom, ranging from external coping mechanisms to internal shifts in perspective:
Acceptance: This concept, frequently mentioned, involved acknowledging the presence of pain without allowing it to consume one’s entire being. It wasn’t about resigning oneself to a life of suffering but rather creating space for pain while continuing to engage with other aspects of life.
Detachment: This approach encouraged a shift in focus, directing attention to things outside the realm of pain. It wasn’t about ignoring the pain but rather consciously choosing where to invest energy and mental resources.
Reframing: This technique involved integrating the pain into one’s life narrative, viewing it as a catalyst for growth or a source of unique perspective. It emphasized finding meaning and even gratitude within challenging experiences.
External Support: The group acknowledged the value of seeking help from others, whether through professional therapy or shared experiences with those facing similar challenges. It emphasized the importance of community and not facing difficulties in isolation.
More participants shared their own experience with pain.
One gentleman shared his caused by his boxing routine. He described how the intense training had led to severe pain in his lower back, making it difficult for him to even raise his hand. He sought medical help and was advised to apply a cream-like paste to the affected area and keeping it warm. After following this treatment for about a month, he found that the pain gradually subsided.
Another new participant eloquently described her efforts to find solace through mindfulness and meditation. She recounted her experience at a silent meditation retreat, where she learned to confront her physical discomfort with a sense of compassion and acceptance. Her journey highlighted the power of embracing pain as a part of the human experience, rather than attempting to escape it.
“Pain is the evidence that you are a living entity.”
The café’s conversation highlighted that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with pain, particularly chronic pain. It’s an ongoing process of exploration, often involving a combination of external strategies and internal adjustments.
Conclusion: A Night of Connection and Growth
The conversations at the café offer a glimpse into the diverse ways humans grapple with life’s complexities. From confronting existential questions about death and legacy to exploring the nuances of personal growth and coping mechanisms, the participants’ reflections reveal a shared human experience marked by both vulnerability and resilience.
While there are no easy answers to these multifaceted questions, the café serves as a reminder that engaging in open and honest dialogue can be a powerful tool for navigating life’s uncertainties. By sharing our experiences, perspectives, and even our struggles, we create a sense of connection and community that can help us find meaning and purpose in a world often characterized by isolation and rapid change. The Curious Souls Café, in essence, embodies the power of human connection as a means of illuminating life’s most perplexing questions.
As the evening drew to a close, participants shared their reflections on the discussions. The facilitator encouraged everyone to take the insights gained from the evening and incorporate them into their lives, emphasizing that the journey of self-discovery is ongoing. In conclusion, the fifth meeting of Curious Souls Café was a testament to the power of shared experiences. Participants left not only with new friendships but also with a renewed sense of purpose and understanding of themselves and others.