“What Would You Do Differently?” — A Conversation About Choices, Regrets, and Finding Ourselves
The second Curious Souls Café event has concluded in Hong Kong on 1ˢᵗ August 2024, where we had the pleasure of meeting individuals from diverse backgrounds, both East and West, united by a shared desire to explore life’s big questions. In this gathering, participants engaged in a profound discussion about pivotal life decisions they’re grateful they didn’t make. This conversation sparked personal stories, deep reflections, and insights into how our choices shape our identities and futures.
The Power of Hindsight: Reflecting on Unmade Choices
In the first section of the event, the format was simple yet engaging: each participant drew three cards, each containing a question to be answered.
“What decision are you grateful you didn’t make?”
The first question, “What decision are you grateful you didn’t make?”, sparked a fascinating conversation about the choices we make and the paths we choose not to take.
An Entrepreneur's Journey: A young traveler, who had traded a traditional college degree for a whirlwind journey into the world of business, shared his story. He confessed to feeling grateful that he hadn’t pursued a traditional academic path, as it led him to a life filled with unexpected opportunities and valuable experiences. He mentioned it was risky for him, but he had no regret and would not change a thing.
A Local’s Perspective: A local Hong Kong resident, reflected on his decision to forgo a promising government career after cracking the public exam in his home country in India. He recognized that this path would have confined him to a monotonous office routine, limiting his ability to explore different cultures and gain diverse experiences in a global city like Hong Kong. He explained that choosing a different path allowed him to explore the world, experience different cultures, and gain a breadth of experience that he wouldn’t have had otherwise.
“I’m grateful I didn’t get stuck, because that’s not who I am.”
Beyond Material Possessions: What Matters Most?
The conversation then shifted to the question of personal values and the things we hold dear.
“What would you refuse to give up even if you were offered $10 million?”
The Pricelessness of Youth: One participant, asked what they would refuse to give up for 10 million dollars, responded without hesitation: “My youth.” She eloquently articulated that the energy, curiosity, and willingness to take risks that come with youth are priceless, and no amount of money could ever buy them back.
Ethical Considerations: Another participant, reflecting on the impact of social media, expressed his deep concern about the potential for technology to be used unethically, even if it meant turning down a lucrative offer. He highlighted the importance of ethical considerations in our choices.
“I would never do anything that could potentially harm others.”
Cultivating Emotional Intelligence in Hurtful Situations
“What’s your instinctive reaction when someone or something hurts you?”
When discussing how to handle hurtful situations. Participants shared strategies for processing emotions rather than reacting impulsively. One participant emphasized the importance of self-reflection, stating:
“When someone hurts me, I try to understand why I feel that way instead of lashing out.”
This approach resonated with many, highlighting a shared understanding of the need for emotional intelligence in navigating interpersonal relationships.
Looking Back, Moving Forward: The Power of Reflection
Moving on to the second section of our event, where each participant were asked to suggest a question. The chosen question for the evening was:
“If you could go back 10 years and make one change in those years, what would it be?”
A traveler, acknowledging the importance of authenticity, expressed a desire to have taken more risks and pursued opportunities that felt true to his passions, even if they didn’t always pan out.
As the conversation progressed, the participants explored the complexities of navigating relationships, particularly the pain of heartbreak and the fear of future hurt.
Embracing Vulnerability: one participant touched on the relatable challenge of being too protective in matters of the heart. She shared her regret of not being more open to new relationships, fearing the potential for heartbreak. She expressed the desire to be more open to love, even with the risk of getting hurt.
Moving Beyond Past Hurts: Upon hearing the above, another participant offered a unique perspective on dealing with past hurt, emphasizing the need to move forward — acknowledging that the past cannot be changed, but the future can be shaped with courage and resilience.
“Don’t punish yourself for the past. Instead, focus on creating a stronger, wiser version of yourself, one who can navigate challenges with more resilience and clarity.”
Many participants expressed a desire to have traveled more, explored different cultures, and taken more risks. The local who originally came from India, however, reflecting on his time in Hong Kong, shared a profound insight:
“This city takes time to understand. It’s not just about the fast pace, but the deep-rooted culture and values that you need to experience to truly appreciate it.”
Our facilitator noted both breadth and depth are meaningful in different times of our lives. For example, a younger person may seek breadth — exploring more options to understand how the world works, travelling to more countries; in contrast, a more mature person may seek depth — settling down on a long-term relationship, appreciating the realization that certain beauty and greatness that only depth can provide.
A Night of Shared Insight and Transformation
As the Curious Souls Café event drew to a close, the group moved on the last section where we reflected on the key takeaways — the importance of self-compassion, the power of mindful presence, and the value of openness to new experiences, even with their inherent risks. The camaraderie and mutual understanding that emerged exemplified the transformative potential of open dialogue and the shared exploration of life’s profound questions.
The event served as a powerful reminder that the journey of life is one of constant learning and growth. It highlighted the significance of making choices aligned with our values, embracing the unknown, and learning from both successes and failures.
“I’ve learned that every choice, even the difficult ones, contributes to my growth. Each experience teaches me something valuable about myself and the world around me. […] We often fear making the wrong decision, but it’s essential to remember that every choice is an opportunity to learn.”
As the participants shared their stories, a clear message emerged — the most vital thing is to remain true to ourselves, to keep evolving, and to never cease seeking new experiences and perspectives that challenge and enrich us.
“We all have unique paths, and it’s these decisions that shape who we are. It’s crucial to embrace our individuality and make choices that align with our true selves.”
This gathering demonstrated that when we come together with empathy and curiosity, we unlock the opportunity for profound personal and collective transformation. The Curious Souls Café has provided a space for authentic connection, where individuals from diverse backgrounds can unite in the shared quest to navigate life’s complexities with greater wisdom and resilience.